Dear Blogger Friends,
This post is actually a letter promised to Mihir Trada after reading his post titled If Nobody is willing to join you on your dream journey, Walk Alone!!
He had written a beautiful motivational post I must say at first place. I’m not so good at giving motivational speech or post, but, am good at spreading and sharing ideas on situations. So this letter is going to be s’thing I want to speak, I want to say.
Two weeks ago I had posted Let’s Talk About It…Let’s Face It…Darlings…It was the first part. And after receiving a lukewarm response I thought every Wednesday I’ll post one part of this. Last week due to messed up schedule I couldn’t post one. Today is Wednesday, I need to post one. But, I’ll not because I want to speak up on s’things.
I have been writing for last 12 years. I’m sort of lazy and shied author who had kept his writing hidden in his diaries. S’times friends requested me to read what I had written and later I found out they had done that to mock me, to make fun of me. But, being in greed of getting notice I fell into the same trap over the times. After one time though I rebuked and that too become a matter making fun of me.
Many a time, few good friends come up and said me to open up a blog and write there. Yes, I opened an account, but, being shy and being bullied I never take the next step of posting s’thing. So those accounts (three or four might be) remain like that and I forget them at all.
The same scenario followed when I opened this WordPress blog. I created this early November of 2016. But, never posted anything. Then at the end of the November, I posted one. And planned to post one every week. At the mid of December, I broke this promise and started posting daily–one or two, even four posts a day.
Now the scenario in which I created this account was to vent out; I want to speak, I want to write what I feel at a particular moment. At the beginning, I was very much depressed. The reason was obviously heartbreak. Yes, I loved her and still love her s’where deep in my heart.
For the first time, I felt good when I found out that when I write when I give my thoughts their platform along with proper words to decorate them I feel good. S’how losing her never felt bad because through my poems I relive her. Yes, it sounds crazy, it sounds a bit of badly-depressed guy I’m. But, no my friend, you’re wrong. You know being in love is not a hard thing, but, forgetting is. So, I never stop letting her memoirs to hung over me, to shove in the deep abyss (read drinks, drugs and all other vile things we take to feel good). But, rather I wrote, I write. This white page of WordPress gave me what I wanted–freedom.
Yes, at first the journey here was not so easy. No one reading my post; no likes, no comments.My first two posts–one poem (The Morning That Was Serene & Melancholy) and one essay (Thoughts of Words) went unnoticed. Being depressed had made me s’how desperate to get noticed. So when these failures happened I thought I should stop. Because no one going or will like my writings. Even my friends whom I passed the links they didn’t response at all except two-Subhajit Chakrabarty & Priyasha Ghosh (they still comment me on Whatsapp and also push me to write more–later one also interrogate me picking up a random line and words from my poems). So all these factors of unnoticed culminated in making me decide to stop; made me said blog-verse is not for me.
Then, suddenly, an idea struck me. Not to try to forget her, but, instead, let her make my muse. So I write an untitled poem and marked it as #2. It is the only poem that I had never edited and had posted it as I had written (it still remain like that). After few days, I received my first comment from a blogger named SumitOfficial. I was overjoyed at the moment and decided to stay back for few more days. I renamed the poem as Out of Blue. Next step I had taken was to reopen my Facebook account and connect the blog there. I informed all my friends that am back on FB and you can find the links there.
It, but, as usual, went in vain. No one responded except those few. Meanwhile, I posted another essay Double Feluda: A Celebration Seen Through Eyes of Another Mitra. It was a review on the Bengali movie Double Feluda. Before posting it I knew it’ll attract a few because of the language of the movie. So I wrote my next poem As The Valley Slept That Night.
My posts started gaining momentum and I kept on writing. Then, I met Meenakshi Ma’am whose comment give me a charge up, assure me yes I can write, I can spell magic with my writings. The poem was Ahir Bhairav and ma’am commented “What a poetic way of story telling…It kept me reading more even after it ends…great!!” She had been there beside me when I was struck in a poet-block. I still laugh when I think of her comment on the poem A Good Bye Note… (she had written–Hey! I’m not going to press a like for this and would like to save it for your new poem which I hope would appear soon. Take rest for a day or two but please come back for sure. Now you are a member of this WP family and families are never to leave…
Take rest but come back for sure). She also speaks for me, during that time I was going through the phase of the block, when Theresa Ma’am suggest me, after reading my posts, to write s’thing dark for her Cinderella project (collaborated with Annie J). Ma’am, thank you is not the perfect wordings but I’ll say that. Your poems amongst many others left me in bewilderment and in a deep trance of thoughts (others don’t take offense, just pay a visit to her blog and you’ll know what I want to say.)
So, it was a start. I slowly met many other bloggers like creativeworldm, TheresaBarker, Annie J, Uniquesus (who had nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award–I’ll soon write my acceptance letter for this) and more. Now after posting 50+ posts when I look back I felt no sadness, no depression. If today my post doesn’t get like or comment I don’t feel sad, rather, it enraged me to write another one because leaving the Warfield is cowardice and facing the storm is foolish and at the same time also the best act because falling make me strong, make me dogmatic to stood up (that’s why my one of the favorite dialogue is why do we fall from The Dark Knight Trilogy).
I hope in coming days my writings will keep you hooked on. My A Fable of Time (whose 2 sneak peeks I had released before releasing its first episode this Saturday and then every Saturday) will be love and like by you. And I always look for your comments. If you want to criticize me, do it–never hesitate. Because as an author, as a poet I think criticism and cross questioning make us strong, make our view more dedicated and sharp.
Thanks again Mihir Trada for gifting us such a beautiful post and calling me bro and pushing me to write one. Thanks to all my blogger friends who read my blogs and who always never let me feel that am alone.
P.S. S’time I visioned an evening, ten or more years later, when am sitting with her at a Spring eve hand in hand. This vision often helps me to write s’thing like a love poem. Yes, don’t take it otherwise, but, s’time I feel if she can read my poems. Your supports let me forget the pain of losing her.
1st February, 2017
From Essayist’s Desk:
I had written this essay (actually letter) for my weekly Let’s Talk session (Talks & Conversation). I, then, suddenly stumble on The Daily Post this week Weekly Discover Challenges. The topic this week is Speak Up. My post seem to be appropriate for the topic. So I’m sharing post in response to the Challenge.