Thoughts of Words

Hold Your Step Dear Traveler…–Michael Madhusudan Dutta

Arrival (Micro Science Fiction)

 

The noon sun had tilted a little from its position. The ship had docked not long ago. The cargo was getting unload. Suddenly an interrupted siren caught e’one’s attention. Before a reaction triggered off, a large impact of explosion heard and shook the sea and the dock. The ones, hundreds or more, there were extinguished in a blink leaving no trace–no charred bones, no ashed body. In the exploded black smoked sunlight they came out. A quartet of flesh-red colored figures–an amalgamation of a human and a gorilla with five fingers in each limbs and big head with small eyes.

#e’one is my shorthand for everyone.

fatima-fakier-deria1
PC Fatima Fakier Daria

For The Friday Fictioneers by Rochelle Wisoff

Daily Prompt: Territory

Sangbad

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22 responses to “Arrival (Micro Science Fiction)”

  1. Melody Pearson Avatar
    Melody Pearson

    I love the picture at the top. It’s very appropo. I like the concept and enjoyed the story. I’m wondering if English may be your second language? I only mention it because you seem to have trouble with verb tenses and contractions. Since I have no second language, I’m not criticizing, just curious.

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    1. Sangbad Avatar
      Sangbad

      Yes Melody, English is my second language…and am learning from reviews of all to find where am making err and how to improbe

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  2. rochellewisoff Avatar
    rochellewisoff

    Since you asked:

    The cargo was getting unload…it would be more immediate to say “The cargo was unloaded.” (ed added to make it past tense.) Simply “A siren caught everyone’s attention. Before anyone could react…”a reaction triggered off” doesn’t make sense. It would also make more sense to say “Hundreds or more disappeared without a trace–no charred…” and “After the explosion the sunlight shone through the black smoke. “sunlight they came out” is confusing”
    Fingers would be on hands…each limbs makes me think they had fingers coming from their arms and legs.

    I feel like I’m being rough and critical but I don’t mean to be. I’m answering your question to the best of my ability.
    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    PS You may delete this exchange if you wish. I’ll understand.

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    1. Sangbad Avatar
      Sangbad

      thank you Rochelle for pointing out the mistakes…

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  3. granonine Avatar
    granonine

    Oh! Unexpected–I didn’t realize we were in for sci-fi, went back and looked again and realized you’d made it plain. Good job.

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    1. Sangbad Avatar
      Sangbad

      Thanks Ma’am for this appreciation on my attempt…

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