A Story: Episode 2

But, it was too late then…we had started discussing the future prosperity of our life…we also have sex-chats that ran late into the night; I always used to try to control the flow of those conversations, but, I couldn’t because I knew, before you came, I was complete which your arrival into my life proved that I was actually an incomplete person….

I have this peculiar ability of not mixing the feeling with my decisions; but, everything just goes topsy-turvy when you started loving a person; all our negative feelings like getting angry or negative emotion like cursing for being angry started malfunctioning; even the positive one like happy also override our psychological “system”…the result is a deadlock on thinking and blowing away your all held strong beliefs into a smoke…

I didn’t need the help of our chat-history to recollect the two days absence from you…

It was the first time I was feeling miserable of being not in contact with you…

We had both run out of net balance and I hadn’t mustered the courage of calling you till then…when I recharged the balance, my mind or soul—I don’t know who-or both ditch me and I text you Rabindra-Sangeet “sohena jatona diboso guniya guniya…

I was missing you all of a sudden…when you replied back I was overjoyed but at the same time cautious…later when you said me you thought I’ll never talk with you anymore it was true at that moment; the holdings are pulling me back and saying me stick to your wish, not to the feelings; but, it was you who let me see the dream of being together, of living for one another; to be alive doesn’t means not to take breath only, but, to live the life at fullest…thus letting to the malfunction of the “system”…

God damn it…when I think of this event and much more—away from you or not of being talking with you for my overtime or for your tuition—I feel I had missed you more than I used to…

Now, though, surprisingly it’s becoming a habit and it should—I think so…all those moments it seems are all lie; nothing has or had or have happened.

After I board the train to Sealdah, I had been rehearsing the words I want to say to you…the words that would push you away from me…as the train was reaching Park Circus I feel a sudden wish of not meeting you; as I text this to you, you texted me “will you be able to do that?”…no, I can’t; mine another me advise me to talk to the girl and let her know why this relationship can’t be a one

So I meet you, rather, we met…we had both lies at home to have our first “meet”…

You were wearing an orange kameez with white salwar and dupatta. Mine was a contrasting one-black Tee with blue Jeans…I want to hug you which I don’t want to; you hold me and patted on my back as if we can have the hug and consequences later…

As we take a seat beside the window towards the road of College Street in Coffee House, I didn’t hit the bush and talk to straight point…

I remember my wordings to you…

I never had to say how you pretty you were looking or how I’m feeling to at last meeting you…but, I said, “three things rather facts I want to share with you…” And I said you about my holdings—three in number.

The first one was Dida, I need to take care of her till she lives and for that I spent most of my salary, paying salary of her ayah and little for her medicine; second one, along with, I have a couple of loans to pay off which doesn’t let me to save much or spent much; third one, our upbringings; I don’t know when I’ll be able to own a flat or house. It’ll take few years to get materialize—I had said as I can recollect….

Listening to these words any girl can become disinterested…you surprised me again…

The first time was a few nights back when you kissed me through text and convince me to have a sex talk with you…

You had looked directly into my eyes and had said softly, “I’ll be there; I know, you thought I’ll walk away, but, no, I’ll not…you only promise me that you’ll never leave me and will take care of my mother because she has no one to look after her except me; I’ve doubt over my brother’s sense of responsibility and taking care of her…”

I had thought you’ll go away and I’ll be back to my home leaving everything behind…And the chats and conversations we had for last few days will just like anything a brief affair of few days between a boy and a girl like it happen these days or in today love stories…

Isn’t it an irony I’m writing a love story at this moment though I distaste the aspect of in love or writing a love story…

After we have coffee, we went to Santosh Mitra Square…you hold my hand or it was me who hold your hand—I can’t remember that now…

Children are practicing and learning swimming at enclosed swimming space—the splashing and the laughter and voice of excitement can be heard from behind the boundary…few old retired men and women were taking an evening walk…couples were also there…some were walking around the pool in front of us while other sitting on the stone benches set at regular interval on the side of the pool…

We were not talking…I was so lost in my thoughts that I don’t know what you were looking at or what you might be thinking…suddenly an old couple passed us, walking hand in hand; they were looking heavenly in setting sun-lighted evening…all the cacophony that was surrounding us became silent and I kept looking at them, at their shadow that cast on you…you was also looking at them in lost eyes…I made up my mind as you look back at me suddenly…

Let’s take the plunge; I convince myself by saying you’ll never leave me…

When I told you that, you were startled, at the same time surprised; your face lightened up and you hold my hand and pressed it with all your strength; I also hold your hand with another and just smiled at you…

We walked to the Sealdah holding each other hands…you encourage and persuade me to speak to my mother that evening regarding us; I promised I will; you also promise to talk with your mother after I had a talk with mine…

We departed promising to meet again very soon…

I had cursed myself for the evening…when I said my mother regarding you and our future plan, my mother just passed on it to Didi showing a feat of being disinterested…I cursed for not saying her as a mother you should have the ultimate power, you should decide; but, I listen to her and planned to meet Didi as soon as possible…

A step taken can’t be retraced; the only action that can be taken is either take few more steps or just stop and wait for the destination to blurred out in time so that you can set your step for another destination.

Many a time, later, you used to say me my mother doesn’t like you, she’ll not accept you and I used to assure you she’ll; give her time because mothers are mostly attached to their son and they can’t let anyone take her son away—I used to say to console you…your mother, though, is an exception surprisingly in this matter; she is very much attached to you more than your brother…

So two or three days later I had a talk with my Didi…

She at first couldn’t get it; she had thought I was having an affair with Jui like you did at first… then she said she’ll talk with you before coming to any decision…

Now, this meeting happened after you become angry with me for not going to Didi’s house to talk…I never let you know that I was going to Didi’s house to talk about us; when I let you know by a call, you were silent and then whispered before showering with kisses “keep me surprising like this whole life…”

Didi call you later that eve and both of you have a hearty talk; Didi suggests you to spend more time to know each other, to get acquaintance with each other…

There were only two persons left who need to know regarding us. One was Moni and another one Dida…

Moni was visiting us that time to spend more time with Dida…Ma told her the news while doing the Morning puja…She started with a riddle-talk like I’ve made happened a thing and like this; I snatched words from her mouth and admit your presence in my life and my wish to make you mine for my life as partner…Moni had looked at me with big eyes and then screamed out your name and said “your heights will not match…” and broke out into a hearty laugh; then she pushed me to call you and she had a talk with you—first of all acting like an angry mother and then showering you with blessings…

I don’t know whether Dida was able to know regarding us…

You and your mother once had come to my flat to see Dida…Dida was going through the last stage for last two weeks at that time…she used to remain unconscious and lost manner those days…during the meal, she used to express her anguish of pain through calling god’s name in an inaudible humming manner…

Sometimes, at night or whenever I’m alone and everything is calm, I can hear that humming and it send down a chilling effect through my spine…few months later when Ma goes to tour with her office colleague this humming reminiscent scared me and you used to calm me down…you had helped me to fall asleep by singing and showering kisses and vows of being always being on my side when I’ll feel loss or scared like this…

Nowadays, when I hear this, yes, I still hear them, I just sit still and remember you and your vows and everything become serene and after this I lit up a cigarette to pull me together…

That week I had Morning Shift….so I had returned home at 3…you looked at me and sprang up… you want to hug me, I know, but can’t due to presence of elders…

After a late lunch together, we—you and me sat down on the sofa besides the bed of Dida…she was sleeping as it seems from her open mouth; I got up and close her jaws, she made a snoring sound through the nose and I know she was awake but not being able to open her eyes…her eyes always used to remain close those days…

I hold your hand and said you she’ll not go until she saw my wife…you hugged tightly my hand and stooping down to her, you said in low voice, “Dida, you can go…I’m here…I’ll take good care of him after you went away…and promise you, we’ll never leave each other whatever happens…if yours Babu tries to leave me I will tie him up to a pole and will keep him with me in front of me like Yashoda Ma does to Gopal…don’t worry Dida, he is safe with me…”

Later, once, you said, on a date at Mani Square that Dida had opened her eyes slightly and had smiled at you; I had missed it because I was looking at you.

It was a moment to fall in love with you all over again.

That evening before you leave you chanted Gayatri mantra taking your mouth to her ears…I was standing beside you, but, Ayah Masi insisted me to leave both of you alone and convinced me she’s safe with you…after fifteen minutes or so when you came out and join our mothers and me, you just broke down saying “Dida is very much in pain…pray that she can go away now…”

I hold you forgetting the room’s scenario and dragged you to balcony…there I stoop down your face forcefully after opening the tap of the sink and splashed water on your face hard…you was trembling ferociously and crying profusely making me lost of what to do at that moment…I wiped your face with my towel and before holding you to my chest I steal a kiss on your lips in our favorite balcony.

We’ve kissed many times later but nothing goes comparable with that eve kiss.

Advertisements