A Story: Episode 3

Two days later Dida passed away…you were there always from the morning in texts and call and later from noon by my side holding my hand and patting me occasionally saying I need to be strong and advising not to cry…I would be lost if you were not there holding my hand and always saying me you will be there always and making me remember the promise made to the old lady in her death bed…

I don’t believe dharma or karma deeply; but, isn’t it adharma for not keeping such promise?

This thought makes me angry and at the same time confused…You really love me, not loved… I don’t know what should be my feeling when I thought that you leave me pushing me into the darkest corner where I used to belong to before you came…

You came, after much persuasion, I came out of that corner and started seeing the world in a different light, in a whole new way…that’s why  I never step back when you said make love to me; I don’t step back when you pushed me away that February noon just before we were going to celebrate our first anniversary of meeting. I tried harder and hardest and keep on trying to bring you back…

The balcony had also witnessed another scene.

The January eve sun was lighting our favorite balcony…I was returning from office from Morning Shift…you and Mamoni had come to our house on Ma’s invitation…It was your last visit to our “rented” flats

You had called me already a couple of time as you couldn’t hold the longing for seeing me…

I looked up the balcony from the road…you were standing there—smiling and waving the hand at me; I smiled back and you threw a flying kiss at me; I looked around to check does anybody saw that; you laughed and signaled me to come up quickly to you…

As I was opening my shoes, you open the door and said, “what takes you so much time to come home…” I quickly look around you and pinch your cheek and whisper “kiss at eve on the roof…”

That day I felt I am coming back not to my home but to my family which consists of a loving mother and a caring and always-in-love wife…yes, I’m not exaggerating, believe me…

The January is still a few months later. The balcony will be and is still there. The only thing will not be there are you and your presence…

Do you remember when we first kiss—the date…

It was 27th March 2015…I had the weekend night shift that week and on that day I have my week off…

I picked you up from Dum Dum and we take a metro ride to Maidan…we first paid a visit to Elliot Park…couples were roaming with hand in hand, some were kissing deeply…I want to kiss you but I can’t due to nervousness…we talk while sitting on a log under the supervised eye of plain-cloth park guard who was looking around then and now with suspicion and that made me more nervous…you had sensed this and on your insistent, we walked to the Victoria Memorial…

We were nervous because it was going to be your first time and mine after a long time…the last one was about eight years ago with Sunayana…

We walk around the garden and found a less populated spot around the equestrian statue of General Sir James Outram…there were couples but not so thickly like there were around in other portion of the garden…we sat down west side under the tail of the horse…

You took my hand in your clasp as we sat down and said me if I don’t want it’s not a big issue…I was scared more than tensed…it seems everyone was looking at us…the road that can be seen from there seems to be crowded looking at us…

You wiped the sweats from my forehead and leaving my hand holds my face towards you…you again repeat the later, but, I didn’t let you finish the saying…I hold your lips suddenly and kissed you somberly…

When I leave your lips, you were crying…I wipe away your tears and pulled your head into my chest and promised you not to make you cry, you’ll be laughing and smiling all the time from then onwards…I kissed your head, then your forehead followed by your eyes before placing my lips on yours…we kissed, again and again, promising not to leave each other…the setting sun that day made you look more beautiful than before as it falls on your face and teary eyes…

Time was writing a new story and we were hero and heroine of the story-as I realize this day.

There was a poem I’ve written to capture the moment of that day; but, it’s lost along with the song I compose a few months later and sang for you and few humming I had done to request you to sing the song to me…I think you had those and you listened to those like I do to your voice recordings…

Next day was your brother’s birthday…

I called you to wish him and after wishing him, you said you’re missing me…if I don’t have office that night, then you will persuade me to come over at your home…but, it was not you, but, brother’s fiancée who persuaded me to come over at your home…

After the last call, few minutes had passed when my cell phone rang up with your name…it was Chaiti, your brother’s fiancée…on her repeated request, I said if Mamoni invites me then only I’ll come…so she invited me and after a few weeks, I was at your home for the second time…

When you opened the door I kissed you—only one time I had done that…

Then at noon when Mamoni was busy with her after-lunch chore downstair, you pushed your brother and Chaiti to another room…I was at little awkward situation being alone with you in a room…You came closer and hugged me tightly on your bosom…I was standing and your hug let me sit down on the bed of the TV room, placing my face on your breasts…you re-place my face by side on your bosom and before I can say anything, you said you’re very much happy that I’ve come over and you kissed on my forehead…

I released myself from you and let you sit down beside me…then taking your hand in mine I dragged you close and kiss you on the forehead and all over the face before placing my lips on yours…I was having a problem with kissing you being seated…so I lie down and said you to come over me…

I don’t know what happens to you; you ran to check up on your Ma and then returned…you pulled down your kameez and said under the breath so that I can only listen “kiss me anywhere you want”; as I was kissing you profusely on your breasts, neck, shoulder you started humming whatever song comes to your mind and this became a habit and our love making never remains complete without you humming…

I never believe in lovemaking before marriage. I was the lover of Platonic love. When that noon you said to kiss you anywhere I want I was taken aback, but, I slowly surrender to the need of the time thrashing my age-old belief. But, there were more to come.

I remember my 27th birthday as it had happened yesterday just like I had said I remember that March evening.

One of your uncles suddenly came to visit you and Mamoni on that day. As I enter the house, after having half-da the at office, I was disheartened seeing this because we planned to spend some time together alone…

After Mamoni pressurized to have luchi and curry, I was very much full and was not able to walk properly…I take shelter in Thappa’s room and started a conversation with your uncle…It was few minutes later Mamoni came and said to him “let them talk; we shall go and talk in our room.” Mamoni can’t tolerate summer heat and that’s why she said that because there’s an air condition installed there…we’ve many time quarreled of not having an air condition in our room because I can tolerate central A.C. but not domestic A.C.—it suffocates me…I used to titillate you by saying your Dada will gift that on your wedding—which you used to rephrase by showing mock disturbance by saying “our marriage”. (A perfect example of irony)

After they were gone upstairs, you throw a pillow at me and said to take rest…I was feeling sleepy so I lie down…you went upstairs and then come down in a minute and lie down beside me…

I had to move aside creating one or two hand spaces between us. You came closer to me and before I can move farther from you, you got up on you elbow and before I can say anything you placed your lips on mine…

You pulled up my Tee-a gift from you and I pulled up yours. No, I’m not going to describe that noon; let it be our memoir…when we’ll be together again, we’ll repeat this…

After you cum me, I hugged you and you were trembling like Babai does when he’s scared. I kissed you few more times and then you dragged my head on your naked breast…

I can hear your heart beating under your breath, but, the sound that surpasses all was the queer sound of silence…I feel relieved, I feel safe; I forgot all the worry that noon when you do that; I felt like I have come back to home after long journey and I’ll remain there for ever till the time exists…you never make your grip light but kept me tightly there like a mother does to her child…

When after a tired day at office I don’t want to go home and visit you on your call or on own wish to your home, I used to push myself in your breast to find that serenity, to find relieve to all the hard day work…

We made love, “oral one, no penetration before marriage”—as we had agreed on beforehand, but, the best part is not when you used to cum me but those moments on your breast—sometime naked, sometime over the dress you wore; however it was brief, those few minutes were everything I looked forward and nothing else.

The memoirs of these moments and many more make me sad obviously; let me crave for your body surpassing all the feelings of that moment.

I hope, always, one day we’ll be together and you will lock me with your tight hug letting me feel safe and comfort again.

The noon, but, is not only the reason that made my 27th birthday a special one, but, the whole day…You had cooked most of the dishes; Mamoni had decorated the rice plate with all those dishes encircling the plate like Dida used to do whenever she used to serve me food…she also cooked payesh for me…I had always dreamt of such a birthday, but, never thought you’ll fulfill this…

On next birthday, this year, the picture was though a contradictory one; I was famished without biting any food and drinking less than minimal water…I texted you on day before to let you know I’ll wait for you at Mani Square and will not have anything until you came and fed me…but, you never came, never call, never text…

I feel still sorry and disheartened when I think of your birthday.

It is on 28th November…

The day before Aparajita got married and I was awake almost all the day; but, I had promised you to meet you…you had an interview at Shakespeare Sarani and we planned to meet right after your interview…my tiredness and my foolishness spoiled your day…I was sleeping when your call awake me.

I was so heavy in the head and my voice was so broken that I barely talk with you…we had an argument, second one after the last one month back and I screamed at you making you cry…you need to be happy that day, but, I made it sad…yes, I feel very bad at my heart. You didn’t talk with me for few days and if you talk not properly…

When I look back at that time, I feel time was writing one of the last act of our-time.

Nowadays I think I had acted very rude shattering your many wishes and plans…

These days when your memories plays with me, I ask myself if I had neglected all those reasons for being sick and meet you then we can have few more memories—happy and comforting one…I curse myself for being such a nincompoop…

I’ve decided to celebrate your birthday after you come back in a grand way so that you can never complain of this first year disaster…

I had planned many things for us to keep you happy; I even accumulated money to buy a ring for you for our first anniversary…I was never given a chance this year…

May be next year we’ll be together…

Advertisements