A Story: Episode 4

Once you had said, during our-time, that you were happy though I was not able to gift you any expensive thing like other do and often I can’t give you time to be together…I tried, I say you today, to keep our relationship a happy and merrier one…that’s why when once you were visiting our house and due to night shift I had gone to Didi’s house for the noon sleep, you were angry at me—then and later you had cursed me, screamed at me for this action of mine…

The idea was of Didi and Ma I admit it; it was the wish that was mine…there was a promotion in quick near future and I want that for you…that’s why I had gone…

You had returned home that night crying whole way to your home for I hadn’t spend much time with you not dropping off that day; instead I take the day off next day for a family gathering celebrating Moni’s anniversary…

That day I want you to spend more time with my family and not me…I had taken granted that you’ll be there for me always…And this “grant” now hurt me and made me think why I took such a step, though I know I was doing that for us, for our future…

There are three events that torment me now and let me stand in front of a crowd of questions and these three events involve some of our close persons…

One was of Aparajita. When her three years relationship ended abruptly and I was worried about her, you had said I don’t need to think so much because whatever time I needed to be an established guy, you’ll give me—even it’s more than my promise time of three years…once when I was taking rest in your lap and you were combing my hair with your fingers and humming songs I confessed to you that I felt a special feeling for her when I was all alone in Durgapur three years ago…you never reacted to it; instead, you assured me that it’s a mere affair of few moments and so no need of thinking…

When her marriage was announced, you said after listening to it “don’t be sad because I’m here…I know you’re close to her more than Abhida or Sumanda…but, you have me now…and for the ever from now…”

That day I feel the possessiveness in you for me…yes you’ve been there for me always whenever I was at the blue and hitting the loneliness zone boundary…I had forgotten to live alone I had forgotten to be pensive… (Now, I’ve to start to all over again)

The second one was regarding Bubai, your cousin sister who’s smaller than you by three or four years; she is (or was) also in a relationship for the last couple of years or so; her boyfriend is (or was) a womanizer; the boy hurt your sister every time he gets a chance…she came and complained to you as you are her sister and confederate…

Once I have seen a chance to see that boy when there was a fair and he was escorting her to home by wrapping his arm around her…I told you and you asked her later which she admit…

I used to say to you often that I also want to be like that and you used to encourage me to do that every time and before disconnecting the call all these times you would say “I know wherever and whatever the cow goes and do, it’ll return to his shelter at the eve…”

Yes, I always want to get back to you after the day end and want to lie down with my head in your lap while you comb my hair with your fingers and sing my favorite songs of Rabindranath Tagore…that’s why I ran to your home directly after an extra-hour night shift to make you understand how much I want you…I talk of this because I feel if I was like this boy you might with me right now…and I wouldn’t be writing this letter…

The third one was regarding your once-best friend Purabi. She broke up with her boyfriend for the reason of being the boy poor and without a job… she had called him at home and had insult him rather gave him a thrash by her father who had already disapprove the relationship…

I recollect I said you if you want you can also do this…you got angry at me when I said that if Mamoni cried in front of you and said you to leave me you’ll do that.; you got angrier and said you will stand firm because you believe in our relationship, you trust me with your life…

Another memory just popped out. Memory has this queer habit of bringing up or digging up memories that we had long forgotten.

The time was late September or early October and that morning Chiranjeet shared a story of one of his friend’s love story…

The boy, who was pursuing a career in medical to be a doctor, was madly in love with a girl and the girl also in return; suddenly everything changed because of the boy becoming more career oriented…The girl broke up with the boy. Before she left, she told the boy “go be a necromancer not a doctor. Go and dissect the dead bodies. You are not suitable one to be in love with…”

The boy was so broken that he forgets how to live…he started drinking heavily and spent more time in the morgue of the district hospital; he rarely returns home and remains “fit” i.e. not drinking…

When I narrate this to you later that morning at breakfast break as I had Morning Shift, you listen quietly and after a pregnant pause responded, “first of all, throw the cigarette away; I can hear you smoking; now, I’m not going to be harsh with you…I know you are a loner; you consider yourself shrub that grows on the side of the road or near an open drain on whom people spit, urinate, the dogs, cat use them as their latrine…but you’re not right now, you’ve me; I’ll not leave you even if our families opposed suddenly or the fate wants to tear us apart…”

I was still smoking and thinking on the words I need to speak because the fear of living without you always haunt me, always follow me like a shadow.

You continued finding me silent, “you’re still smoking…listen Babu, let’s meet to-evening; let’s spend some time together…I know you fear of losing me but I’m not going to let you be alone all over again…you years of loneliness and solitude had ended Mr. Mitra, when you kissed me at Victoria that March evening…”

Yes, we met at Mani Square that evening…we talk, we laugh, and we tease each other…I felt while returning the to home I’m the luckiest person and the happiest person to have you—a loving and caring fiancée…

All these memories just stand as contrasting ones to the 1st April, 2016 when I went to your house to talk with you—last time I saw you and to 16th April, 2016 last time we talk over the phone and you said those words…

Even after that I call you, I text you…sometime I didn’t call you over a couple of weeks in hope you’ll call me up and will say “my crazy old man let’s meet…let us sit down and talk over all of these happenings…let us give our relationship another chance…”

Chance all I wanted now till this noon…

I meet the darkest corner when I forced myself to realize that you’ll never call me anymore…I still remember the night when our quarrel reach a new point—it was near to get broke up…

It was at early November, when at a relative wedding, a relative of yours talk to Mamoni regard your marriage…Mamoni ditch that saying that you are committed already…

I told you, again that night, to leave me if you want and you replied the same replies-will talk to Mamoni, will go against everyone who oppose, etcetera, etcetera; there was an addition, though this time, that if she forces you, you’ll either ran off with me or will marry and have an extramarital with me…

This seems a joke to me right now because this won’t happen as you are away from me for many miles.

I know you remember that night…after you disclosed you plan of elope with me or having an extramarital with me, I discourage you suggesting your tender age when everything seems to be easy get going and suggest you there’s still time you can leave me…

I confess today I was scared of yours and your mother’s relationship…

In more than one instance I had felt she was thinking of something else…I discourage you in a harsh tone which hurt you and before disconnecting the call you asked “will you call after dinner?” to which I reply “it’s my wish…if I feel I’ll…you can go to sleep…don’t remain awake for me…”

I was having the Night Shift…after dinner I didn’t call you because I was titillated with that feeling of your mother taking you away from me…

When the night started growing old, I felt uneasiness…

I found myself trying hard to concentrate on my work and keeping my cool—not shouting and screaming on small mistakes or nuisances my team mate were doing—I was in charge of the team…

But, at last I can’t tolerate this and went for a smoke…

It was about 2.30 of the night. I took out my cell phone mechanically, there were messages and missed call from you…after fighting with self and with much hesitation I had called you…

You receive it after a couple of rings and before letting me apologize you kissed me and told by crying that you were sorry to hurt me…I can recollect I want to talk more on the topic…I want to discourage to continue our relationship…

But hearing your cry and the way you showered love, I was somehow felt guilty at heart and understand I need to check on my anger and had to think logically by keeping aside this ill—temper of mine…

I, at the end, also apologize and said you we need to talk on this…you stopped me and said we’ll talk later on this matter…

We had this talk but not that time or few days later, but, on 1st April, 2016 when I went to your home unannounced and tried to convince you on the matter where the faults are and how our relationship can mend those faults…that day I tried to make you understand how much I need you…

Sometimes, till few days back, I pick up the cell phone late at night now and call you. “The number you’re trying to reach is either…”

 I know you’re angry with me—no actually you are holding your abhimaan and will lash at me soon not later because I complete you while you complete me; we can’t live apart for long…

Those ten months of my life I treasure like a leprechaun…those long chats, your voice, and our pictures—I take care of them because those were the best days of my life…you used to send me songs recorded in your voice…there were only three voice messages from you…

The first one was just a general one where you let me know you are going to tuition early and as I had Evening Shift we might not be able to talk till evening at my break…you had also assured me that if your class got over early you’ll call me…

In the second one you were going to tuition and I might be having night shift last night…

You said many lovely things in that message…You spoke of the speedy advancement in our relationship in less than a month; how we become friends which soon turn to lovers…

The words that haunt me are the last one where you said you believe in me; you know I’m a popular figure amongst my colleague especially the fair sex one; but, you have unlimited and imperishable trust on me that I’ll not leave you and I belong to you like you belong to me. Yes, when I heard this I am at lost.

What the wrong did happen? Were there was a fault in our relationship? 

Third one was on 20th April…it is the saddest one for me now.

Your happiness is getting reflected in your voice…you said that this was the first birthday of mine we’ll celebrate together; in coming years you’ll be there; you had advised me not to be sad, not to be disheartened anymore because you’ve taken responsibility of me, you’ll be always there beside me fighting whatever comes on our path; you’ll take care of all of my worries and tensions.; you entitled me with many peculiar and queer names and showered me with kisses…

One year later when I was sitting alone in McDonald’s famish and tired looking out for you this message seems to mock me…

I, now, when hear to this message, I add one thing my first birthday with you and the only one

There was also message large text from on that day which I can’t resist to share with you…

It goes like this-“I’m gifting you all the light from my life to you…let us vanquish the darkness…let’s erase out the old tiredness, complaints and all those hurting and let the light reflect on you my dearest…remain like this my love…a non-crook and simple honest man…God will shower blessings on you because you don’t like deception or lie…and let my love be the only reason to move you forward…I pray that I’ll not at any instance will hurt you…

Last time we talk you said something similar to this…you’ve hurt me by not trusting me, for not giving me a chance to show how much I need you…

Another night suddenly popped up out of the crowd of memories…

That day was Uncle’s, your father, batshorik

We were not being able to talk properly all the day…I had overtime Evening Shift day at office-from 9 AM to 9 PM…I was very much tired; that’s why sometime I was dozing off in between the conversation at our night conversation…you catch me in no time and said “Babu, go, sleep. You’re very much tired.”

I insisted to continue the chat, but, you were persuasive; you said “you’re my crazy Old Man…go sleep… after two years when you’ll come home being tired like this, I, your wife, will put you to sleep taking your head in my lap and by singing lullaby and stroking your hairs. I’m here and will be always yours…now go…I’ll wake you up tomorrow…”

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