A Story: Episode 6

It was a noon and I was having my lunch…Dida was still there and haven’t moved to her last stage…as far I recollect I was having a week off might be for having the weekend Night Shift or for doing Sunday Shift last week…

Mamoni wants to call later, but, I talk with her stopping my lunch…she was concerned about you…she shared the fear of yours of getting burnt by your in-laws or getting rejected by your in-laws especially your husband…I hope this is not true as the situation has changed now…she said me that she will feel assured if I promise to keep you happy all the life…

She also said if I live with you in some asbestos roofed house or roof made of polyethylene or tarpaulin she will never object to that; I had laughed and promised this’ll never happen; I’ll keep her daughter always happy…

She promised me that after 8th June, she’ll talk regarding our future and the relationship…the reason for this is the completion of one-year mourning phase of your father’s death…I also had taken your education responsibility from her…as the chats suggest and I recollect, I used to push you for study and to attend the class so that you can get a job…many a time I had cancel date or had concealed my urge to meet you because I want you to take tuition so that you can crack a banking exam…

After Didi’s call, I hadn’t call you because at the same time I was angry with you and was also hopeful that you will return…I started having continuous Night Shift for extra incentives in the hope one day you’ll call and will say “Babu, let’s meet; we haven’t gone for a date for long…”

But you never call, never texted me; you just throw me away as if I was just your toys which had become old and need replacement…

I, though, wait by remembering your promise “four days then…”

On 1st April when I ran to your home to bring you back you behave coldly with me…

I hope I’ll be able to tame you like you once said…but when asking “why did you bring me out of my darkest solitary corner?” you replied, “I didn’t realize how hard it’s to live without money…”…It’s hurt me most…

Yes, Shona, it’s hurt…but, still I tried to come to terms with you and that’s why I pay a second visit on 15th…you were not at home and Mamoni informed that you’ll be at the bank; I didn’t wait because I hope and trust you that you will call up…but it’s all ended on 16th—our last phone call…the last time I heard your voice…

I don’t know how much my Ma or Moni was serious of our relationship…they always wait for each other to speak which not only titillated me but also you and had affected our relationship often; Didi was always there…

After the feud with you on the phone, she blamed me, first of all, for the wrongs I’ve done on not giving you time properly or not taking you out on your birthday or on the Valentine’s Day…

I always said and stick to the point that you are my Didi’s Xerox copy—another side of the coin…

So as far it was my Didi’s fault it was also yours…if you have passed the phone to Mamoni then we would be together…

I’m blaming you not to overshadow my Didi’s fault, I repeat again, but to emphasize on the vows you have made to me to do anything for keeping us together even it means to gulp down any insult or curse words…if the world, our family goes against each other…if the fate wants us to be apart…

On 1st April, when I saw you last, you said you had gone long away from me; I should leave you…

But, how can I do that, can you say Rupai…

I had called Mamoni repeatedly and requested her to talk with Boro Mama but she always said she’ll not go against you…

I feel a vested interest in her voice…I feel the way I felt on 2nd February—dejected and untrustworthy guy…then when she let me know you had said Boro Mama that I’m not more in your life, I feel mad…I don’t know at that moment should I be angry or not…like I don’t know where does I goes wrong or it was you or both of us had got wrong…

I talked with Moni and requested her to talk with Mamoni…I, for the first time, requested—more specifically begged—a gift from her in my twenty-seven years life; the gift was you…she said she’ll think of it…

When I again ask her a few days later what she had decided she said she can take charge only after Mamoni called…I had called you, I had to text you; but…you never revert back…I kept on waiting to listen to your voice…to listen to your “Oh, my crazy old man…”…

The one who listens to this said you had played with me…I give a damn to them and I curse them…but when someone like Suman said this I rethink; you might have played with me…

All those months were a big lie…you were always determined to have the man whom your mother will choose…you had said many a time that you had talked or discuss—whatever suits you—with Mamoni regarding us, regarding our relationship, regarding our future…it seems all lie now…

These days, on second thought, I just thought you are 24 now and am 28…in your age, which I term as false mature-hood, I used to think many things like becoming a great software developer and inventing things like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates or becoming a renowned author like Jhumpa Lahiri or Satyajit Ray…

I had seen many girls who used to think something and now doing something; like a girl, I know from Durgapur days used to say she’ll marry by 25 and will live a life of housewife as she loves her fiancé more than herself…the girl, now a woman, is a project head in an MNC in Bangalore…when I asked her about her 24th birthday dream, she laughed and said “that’s a bull shit…I was younger than him and the whole world was more than colorful to me back at that time…I pushed him and he used to say the first career then everything…so I leave him thinking I’ll get some boy more loving than him…yes, I had multiple boys in my life from then, but, I repent on that decision of mine because I still love him…I can understand what he used to say, at this age of my life which he was at that time, what he means to say is…”

I don’t know whether your realization will be like this…

On 1st April, when I ran to your house after the extra-hour Night Shift, I was imbued with the hope that something like that of 16th February will happen…there might be some arguments, some disagreement, but, in the end, we’ll reunite like that evening…when I think of that morning I can feel that yes you had said right you had moved away far away more than I can imagine…I can feel nowadays that we have become strangers already at that time…but, still I goes back to you on 15th April, I tried hard to bring you back on 16th April call…but…

Yes, we are strangers now and lovers in the day that will get covered with golden cobwebs of memoirs…”(I) know, yesterday, the world will forget our story, but, maybe our song will not be forgotten…”…yes, you’ll remain always my song of the leftover of all we have…

I still hope for you…I still wait for your call…even not a call a text will do that…

I ask, rather disturbed and titillated them, Purabi, Chaiti regarding you, repeatedly…

Chaiti never replied in friendly manner because she needs to keep her relationship intact…I envy your brother, you know…he got his father for twenty five years; his fiancée is still beside him even after five years of a relationship that is fruitless as I had deduced during our time…he owned a house though as I recollect you said it was in name of your mother..but, he has a shelter…not like four years here, three years there…

I also envy your husband for having you; I can’t tolerate of thinking you with anyone else…

You know that promotion for which I worked so hard was put on hold for indefinite period and the project I was a part of was not anymore with us and it all has happened after you left…I don’t know why I share this with you…maybe, I still hope for your return.

I doubt Mamoni; she might have lied to me…

You are still unmarried and taking your class of classical to become a renowned singer on Tuesdays and doing the daily chore of bazaar and cooking and other household duties…but, I can’t doubt her, right, ‘cause I had promised you not to do that…

In this letter, many times I accused her, I doubted her…every time I call her up—it was becoming a disturbing matter on both ends I know after one time—she presents the reason that you don’t want me…

She was well aware that I have and will never pressurize you on anything and always pay respect to your urge or wish…I asked for a chance to talk to you…but, she never shows interest…she used to say she doesn’t know what to say to Boro Mama, but, I’m asking you when the so-call hasty marriage happened didn’t she talk with him or anyone—elder to her… This question along with many others regarding your silent torments me more than anything…

I think I have left nothing to say…I never thought on 1st January that I’ll be alone again in the next New Year…like a depressed man I can say I want to die…but, I’ll not because it is one of the vows that you made me to take to do nothing foolish on the last call on 16th April…I never let you down except in some matter like your birthday…

You also said one thing that ring like a bee buzz in my head—“we should get separated for the happiness of our family…”

I can accept that, but, I don’t and that’s why I tried to bring you back and be together again—which you observe I know but chose to overlook for the happiness of our family…

I admit that I hadn’t took the stand or don’t show the courage to face the world, but, you know very well that I can do that if you were beside me—don’t you, Rupai…

Take care of yourself and your husband…I hope he’ll able to take you out on dinner or movie at the end of the month which I can’t and I hope he’ll present you expensive gifts not like me who gifted you pens and Cadbury and nothing else…

I don’t know whether he loves like I do, whether he request you to remain at his chest and not make love like I does once; whether he respect you and ask your permission before taking any step like I does…

Remember, also, that if you heard I have got married you’ll know this is my second marriage. My first marriage was with you…I accepted you as my wife when on 15th May you took me out for movie and spent the day with me…

Do you remember the significance of the date…

On this day in 1994 my father passed away…after I grown up, I like to spend this day alone, being at home and not going anywhere else…on that day you pushed me to meet you and watch the movie Belashese-a touchy movie on the issue of silver-age divorce and, you, after the movie, made me promised I’ll quit smoking so that we can grow old together…

I’ll now end my travail with another noon memoir and another eve memoir…then the journey that we had started on 27th March 2015, which you had already ended, will end for me and I’ll be on the road-an unknown, unseen road with yours, ours memories…

After fifteen days I was at relaxed mood…

That day Chiranjeet had joined after three months to go back on a leave of few weeks more next day; he had broken his leg from ankle three months back…

That was my third consecutive Morning week…for last fourteen days I don’t knew when I’ll return home or when I’ll be able to talk to you because of some basketball league at America and we i.e. our team had to keep tap on the commercials telecast during the matches; Amitavada trusted me and entrust the duty of handling this along with him…you were happy because it was a step but a big leap towards the promotion I was looking for…

I was resting with my head in your lap on the bed in the T.V. room…you were humming and combing my hair with your fingers…suddenly you stopped and asked “Babu, what are you thinking so hard; keep office at office…”

I asked without opening my eyes “how you know I’m thinking of something…as matter of fact it’s not office, but, our relationship…”

You opened my spectacle and throw it at a distance on the bed and pushed down my leg that was resting on the knee of the other and I knew how you figure it out; you kissed my forehead and said “what’s the matter…will my baby will share it with me…”

I opened my eyes and you were hazy there because without glasses I’m a blind man; I said “let’s get married Shona…”

There might be a tinge of suspicion or doubt in my voice…you remain silent and I knew you from that that you were thinking what made it to say that in tone with a hint of doubt…

I sat up and you never stopped me…we were face to face; I hold your hand on my lap, and, said “I feel Mamoni will not allow us to be together for the life; I felt a coldness in her behavior while she was serving the lunch; I even saw a ray of fear in her eyes…”


 

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