A Story: Final Episode?

You said in a soft voice “I’ll talk with her; she loves you as you love me and take care of me and she knows you’ll not leave me or dishearten me…she’ll be there always helping you even if Mashi or Didi or Moni or I am not beside you to keep us together…”, you paused for a while then scrambling my hair you says, “she might be worried about seeing you in this condition-dark patch under the eyes, untidy hair and unshaven face with a bit of darker lips than last time she saw you or we met—whichever suit you…”

You then pulled away your hand and pushed me by my shoulder to the bed…then supporting your chin on your back of your hands that were resting on my chest, you said, looking into my eyes, “I haven’t dropped all my inhabitation just for a few months relationship, Babu…give me number of Amitavada and I’ll call him and will ask for this weekend off; we need to spend time together…”

I leave a deep breath after wrapping you in my arms and said “see, you said that…time…it’s the time I couldn’t give you, it’s the money that I don’t have to buy you something luxury or take you out on movie or to some fantasy restaurant…I said you on first…”

You jerked off me and sit up…looking at me you said “go to sleep; you need rest, you’re tired… and don’t ask for a cigarette right now because as you enter house today I can’t smell you, I smell a burning cigarette…I’m going to Ma and will hold her there so that she doesn’t spoil your resting time; I promise later I’ll have a discussion on this with her…this shouldn’t be left.”

You turned me around like a mother does to her sleeping baby and kissed on my cheek and said “now sleep…my little baby…”

I was half awake half asleep when your bite on my ear startled me…you laugh and said “my little baby was asleep already without me…”

I turnaround and you continued “still angry; I can feel it, otherwise you would have hug me…Listen, your mother-in-law is in deep sleep; she’ll not wake up before an hour; your brother-in-law is not at home gone for match and he will not return before a couple of hours or so…will Mr. Mitra show some love to her wife; Mrs. Mitra’s lips are craving for his lips and her body craving for his kisses, bites and touches of madness and ears are craving for the beautiful nicknames…”

I was neither in the mood of talking to you nor did making love to you, but, you acted being overlooked and kissed my forehead before capturing my lips with teeth—your favorite style of kissing me and the method which always arouse me instantly…

But, the noon was different…

I was not aroused…you tried many approaches…unbuttoning your house coat, calling me with queer nicknames, kissing on my neck and cheeks…but, all goes into vain…after few minutes and few more try, you sat up and asked “why are you pushing me away…why do you want to ruin this moment of ours…”

I sat up and hold your hand; you jerked it off and turned around facing your back towards me…I was finding the right words to say when I saw your body was trembling…you had started crying… I pulled you by your long untied hair enfolding you in my arms…

“Rupai”, I wiped your tears with kisses, “I know we’ve gone more than we should, but, still there’s time you can leave me…I have said you that my father doesn’t leave me a penny or house or a plot like fathers of your Dada or my uncle had…Mamoni had said, I accept that, she wants to see you happy, but being a self-grown boy I had seen how people change; how the promises once made with swear of Gods or anything equal to that are broken…I want to registry with you, but, when I rethink on this I face the question what’s after that…lovemaking, kisses are not all for a relationship to stay intact; money is much bigger aspect…”

I halt after the long speech…you were lying there silently, wrapped in my arms and rubbing your face on my chest slowly…

I continued “we both love each other; but, conclusion of a real love, if that exist, is one going to live happily another have to carry on the burden of the broken vows and the moments…he or she will get cut by the sharp shrapnel of the broken love each and every day for the whole life. In our story, it’ll be me to bear the-”

You suddenly broke out of my embrace and pushed me down to the bed…you muffled my mouth with your tender hand and got up on me and started kissing me on my face, on my chest pulling up my Tee with another hand…I tried to push you away but you with your free hand moved them away.

Then holding my both hand you said “right now, Babu, I want love not your complicated thoughts which you’ll say the truth…the truth is and it’ll be always that I love you and I’ll never leave you, Mr. Mitra; I’ll gulp down every insult, every objection there’ll be…and if I move away from you, bring me back…’cause I know how much I’m angry or disturbed, you’ll always be able to tame me down…like my father does…you hold the position next to him…”

You bring down your face and captured my lips with your tender lips which tasted salty due to the tears…I want to released my hands from yours clasp and push you back…

But, I can’t…

As you had started moving down my chest and pulling down the shorts I wore…

I again surrender to the need of the moment…

Your grip had become loose…I freed my hand in this chance and pulled you up…I kissed you somberly on your lips and let you unclothe me and yourself…we made love…And after you cum me, I thrust my ear into my haven of peace—on your naked breast….

You hold me tight to your breast and keep on whispering while rocking “I’m never going to leave you…never…ever…never…ever…”

The second memory was from sometime in January 2016…

You were washing utensils at the sink of the kitchen; Mamoni was upstairs doing some cleaning job of the wardrobe and your brother was watching T.V. upstairs…I took the chance and grabbed you from behind…

You were startled at first…

 My breath was falling on the frill of your bun…I support my chin on your shoulder and started humming “our” song-“tumse milke aisa laga…”

“Go upstairs and accompany your mother-in-law in the cleaning or join your brother-in-law in his Crime Patrol season…” you insisted after turning your head a little and pecking on my cheek…I hold you more tightly…

“This’ll not take more than three minutes; I’ll there in few minutes Babu.”

“I want to talk to Mamoni regarding getting registry.” I said after taking a deep breath…

 You halted your washing and I loosened my grip…you turn around and put your soapy hand crisscrossed around my neck and said “next month we’re going to celebrate our First Anniversary and you still…”

I didn’t let you finish the sentence “I fear I’ll lose you…I can feel it; that day when you say over the phone I’m becoming stranger to you, I’m going away from you I had been left with many questions and I knew after evaluating them-all this happening due to my continuous feel of losing you, of getting away from you—”

You don’t let me finish; you bite my lips and rub your nose with mine and said “don’t pressurize yourself…we know each other for eleven months; see, we have survived a near-to year and we’ll for the coming years…now go or your brother-in-law might come down…”

Your words contain something blue saying my instinct everything’s okay; no need to worry…you kissed me on my nose and smiled…I kissed you on the forehead and hugged you tightly and was going to kiss you when Mamoni called up from upstairs.

So many memories are cropping up at this moment like this couple of memories and the ones I mentioned, but, as I promise I am going to end my catharsis…

My last promise to you is that when I’ll die my last wish not to cremate until and unless you come and see me and speak those words “Sabdhane jeo, Dugga Dugga…”…till then let’s live our live as we’ve chosen not wanted-living apart from each other.

Good bye, Rupai, today our path got divided…I’ll try to forget you and start everything afresh and will always pray for you every day for your happiness…

I’ll close this letter now with a memory of an August eve…a day approximately year ago from your marriage date…

The rain had stopped few hours ago; the sky had gotten clear and it was colored by the hue of orange of the setting sun…we were standing in the roof on top floor looking at the busy Bypass road…I had enfolded you in arms from behind…

“You know at false dawn, the sky look beautiful…” I said when you tried to free yourself…

“What’s this false dawn…” you replied stopping the action to get free…you always like to hear stories…especially when I used to say a peculiar word…you knew I have collected it from a book or a movie…

I hold you more tightly and explain you the meaning of the “false dawn”, “I have collected the word from the Tales from the Indian Jungle by Kenneth Anderson…he was a great hunter…I’ll read you his story in Bengali so that you can know him…so, at the beginning of the day, there’s a moment when momentary lightning can be seen; after which the sky becomes dark again and remain like that ‘til the real dawn breaks with sun rising in the east…I’ve never got a chance to see that…don’t know whether it’s happen in the city or only in the jungle…”

You leave a deep breath and hitting my cheek with your head, you said “don’t be sad, old man we’ll watch it together draped in a sheet and standing right here like this…”

I steal a kiss on the back of your neck under the bun and after leaving a breath said “I don’t know, whether…”

“Babu, don’t start over again; we’re recovering from a bad tiff…let’s enjoy this moment, the godhuli, and I am promising you swearing on the setting sun that we’ll be together for long-seeing many godhuli, lots of false dawn…now can you kiss me because your heavy sigh breaths on my head arousing me…”

I turned you round by your shoulder, and forgetting that the old couple from the flat on the other side of the road looking at us, I kissed you…a wet drench rain at that moment passed us bringing you more than closer to me…

                                                                                                       Only Yours…

P.S. “I’ll try for first two days when there will be tiff of break-up type.”

“I also promising you on fourth day, third day I’ll let you miss me, I’ll board the first train of the day….If you’ve Morning, I’ll wait for you for your return at 3 o’clock and will jump on you as soon as I open the door for you; if it’s Night, I will do the same; will wait for you for your return at 6.40; and, if it’s Evening, I’ll woke you up with my kisses and will not leave you for the whole day—keeping you as a prisoner in the lock of my arms…”

Not today, not tomorrow…might be not few weeks or few months or few years…I don’t know…I’ll be able to stop loving you…I don’t know whether I’ll be able to love the girl who’ll walk into my life now…but, I’ll promise you, Rupai, I’ll try hard to not let her get overshadowed by my reluctance to not be in love again or the thinking of not trusting the one you’re with in a relationship…


 

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