As a Matter of Fact

 

First Look
29

 

There’s a saying life comes full circle.

Many of the time in my life I had faced that. But, the today can it be considered as an example of the notion. Last Janmastami that is back in 2016 I learn of her marriage and this year that is 2017 it’s her paper anniversary. Yes, I can go on talking, saying some heavy sadistic statements, passing some wisdom through soliloquy. But, am tired. Tired of all this sadness and melancholy and surprisingly I draw my strength, my happiness, my joy from this also. So, when I say am tired am self albeit confused is this natural or just am levying this on me.

In this one year, I have though learned slowly but steadily the theory of denial. After Rupai marriage last year I tried to move forward. And this try was hardest. After remaining aloof for a month or two a girl caught my attention. She lives in the neighborhood of my Didi. I talked regarding this to Ma, but, as the situation stands she remain silent. I can talk to Didi but I can’t because of this theory. Our brother-sister has already been affected and I do not want to strain this relationship more.

Then I remain aloof for few more months and again a girl caught my attention. New joinee in the office though different project. I break the shell and walk at tortoise speed. We talk for what three or four days and they she turns around. Now she doesn’t know me; we’re strangers. Yes, I put on my headphone and let the music plays looking at the road moving back with the forward of the office bus. Another application of denial.

Then another new joinee caught my attention. She also is in the same project of the last girl and boards the bus from my stoppage. She’s not so good looking very much normal looking, but, there’s something in her personality that makes me fall. We talked; she read one of my poems; I narrate her the history of my area because she comes from a distant suburb area of Kolkata. That time I was very much free; I was headstrong I’ll move forward. So, I do not waste time and text her stating clearly I like her and I want to know her more. I asked her out for a date. She asked why. This enraged me and I didn’t reply back. Yes, I am a very much moody person. Few days later I learn she is in a relationship already.

Now, she smiles at me and I at her when we meet at the bus stop. She doesn’t sit beside me and we don’t talk anymore. Here also denial works. I let the radio and online music station to blurt in my ears. My playlist includes Mozart, Beethoven, Pandit Ravi Shankar, Anushka Shankar, Bruce Springsteen, Enrique Iglesias, old Hindi movie songs, new same mundane toned Bollywood songs. I hear them and get lost in them. I like the effects of change of shades of street lights of the passing road. Sometimes they soothe me sometimes not. But, I say to self yes, you have to…listen how the music changing…feel the changing shades…

Another thing where I let the theory works. Office. The project I was part of was withdrawn last year in June. I was promised a promotion with the change of project. But, that actually was a false promise because I’m one of the rare hard workings experienced silent mouse they have. Now, I took orders from the guy whom I was supposed to order. Life is hard, life is storm; after the storm, you’ll see the bright day, I hum to self every time and every day. I had thought of job change, but, no one ready to give me a chance. A prominent cause is being a Masters what the hell I had been doing in KPO for fucking last four years. So denial works here also.

Yes, life is pretty much fucked up. But, still I’m fighting and that’s what I will do. And I’ll apply the theory of denial at every possible step.

Happy Anniversary Rupai. I don’t remember you but I recollect when these things happen. No, I don’t search the reasons of your departure anymore because as you used to say to remains happy looking at you. I do that–looking at the old photographs of ours. But, yes sometimes, I’ll not deny, I curse you I loathe you followed by asking for penitence to the God. Yes, from aesthetic I turn to a believer often.

I still hope one day we will meet and will sit down talking like we used to.


Screenshot_2017-08-14-09-41-06
Thank You for the Followings…special Thanks to my 5% who always follow me and like and review my almost every post. Ans also tolerate my sad gloomy writings.

 

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28 Comments Add yours

  1. kittysverses says:

    Congratulations on your achievement, Sangbad. I’m sorry I’m not keeping up with the posts these days,nor writing as I used to.Forgetting is easier said than done,but nevertheless memories(sad or happy) can be cherished.Glad that you took to writing,not many would have chosen this wise option.

    Like

    1. Sangbad says:

      Yes…I emphasis on this fact…if you want to get addict get it to writings…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. shewrites170 says:

    Congratulations on 1000 followers. Take a break from writing that might help you in forgetting her. Many deal with your situation in a country where we have very less of freedom. Time is a healer, let it pass and heal.

    Like

    1. Sangbad says:

      You’re one of the 5% Cherry…yes am going to take a break…re: forgetting the memories will get dusted not erased…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. shewrites170 says:

        All the best pal !!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations for the increasing followers. And keep positive attitude live no matter how difficult life is worth living till last breathe

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sangbad says:

      A different view review Di…expect you’ll read other posts of mine…am writing not so much these days…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations, Sangbad. 🙂
    And I really like this picture of yours. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sangbad says:

      Thanks bhai…apneto Like ka bouchaar kar die…hope you had read them…

      Like

      1. Hahah! Not all for sure.

        Like

        1. Sangbad says:

          Thanks for the honest reply…

          Liked by 1 person

    2. Sangbad says:

      And in this 1000 you hold a special position for being first to review my poem…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am honoured. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Life is indeed a harsh reality that we live each day. And when the reality comes flashing in front of our eyes we are only left with one option that is to accept it and move on! Ther’s nothing we can do to undo what’s already done. We just learn to accept. 🙂 A candid post indeed and hearty congratulations for soaring so high Mitra. May you reach more new heights. 🙂

    Like

    1. Sangbad says:

      ☺ yes that day I wrote my heart down…if you get chance read my novella serialized last week…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay I will for sure. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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