What is Eating You, Man?

Sometimes some event just make us stand in front of our-self. The “me” that we buried or just get hazed and lost with the time come to us to meet us. And that’s where the commotion started–what I was, what I am now. Many a time this worked as the catalyst of the drastic decision we take, and surprisingly our mind is flabbergasted during the period of the execution of that decision.

To-day when I heard the news in the noon I was shocked more than to be surprised. Yes, am talking of the suicide of the popular actor Sushant Singh Rajput. The news at first stopped me what I was doing, then halted my thought process. Was the drastic step (read suicide) was needed? As per report it had happened around or after 12 of the noon, so not a night or calmness and stillness of it. So, what was eating him we might never come to know, or maybe many days later.

After I passed the state of being in shock I met myself. Not not the one I am now. But 4 years ago. Yes, I was depressed. I was scared of the darkness of the night sometimes waking in the mid of night on being confused whether I am alive or not. Sometimes while sitting at some mall it used to seem that if I go out in next few minutes a bus or a car will run over me. I had started to be a drunkard.

Then this blog account happened. Many a time I had spoken on this matter. Thoughts of Words was born when I was in deep shit (read melancholy) and the anxiety was borne on my self. I had doubted my existence. Many a time I had thought on the ways an existence can be removed, and more than often surprisingly a poem had born at that very moment. Many of my first blog-poems are thus reflection of that blue states, of those anxieties. It took time but at the end I overcame it, or may be not as this afternoon I felt after listening to the news.

Now the box of Pandora had opened as people started speaking on depression, needs of a friend, talk to your loved one, and all those things that are needed to be said. But, ask yourself are you ready to listen to the rant and ramblings of your friend or loved one? Are you aware that this depression or anxiety is like a cancer without a proper medication (anti-depressant pills or sleeping pills are not medication but a way to let these things grasped on, according to me)? If you have answers to these then you can help the seeker with whole heart otherwise not.

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